Inspirational thought of the week:

(Cole Trickle drives his mangled Chevy Lumina into the pit stall)

Buck Bretherton: “Well, how about that? Something we don’t have to fix!”

(Crew chief Harry Hogge walks over and kicks a dent into the side of the car Bretherton is looking at)

Harry Hogge: “I don’t want you to get spoiled, Buck.”

— “Days of Thunder”

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located behind the footlocker on the “College GameDay” bus where Nick Saban keeps his secret stash of “Anchor Down” Vanderbilt football apparel, we are beginning to worry that perhaps those of you who visit these rankings, as the kids say, “on the regular” might be like those who benefited from Saban’s time in Tuscaloosa. You’re getting a little spoiled.

Just two weeks ago, we had an all-time majestically meh Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year Mega Bowl matchup between UMess and State of Kent, winners of a lot of the most recent Bottom 10 titles. (We tried to look up exactly how many, but someone spilled Yoo-hoo on the archival floppy disk.) Then, this past week, we had the Sam Houston Bearkats kutting it up with UTEPid. Now the stage is set for a third consecutive PFOWY, as Georgia State Not Southern hosts the South Alabama Redundancies. And, as you will read in the words ahead, this is just the tip of a season-sinking iceberg of not-big games coming, as the spotter on the Titanic shouted way too late, “Right ahead!”

So, for all the talk about Power Autonomous Haughty Four conference realignment, in-conference scheduling, CFP committee résumé reading and the headliner showdowns that all of the above seem to bring with them, how about some props for the same happening down here with us? And by props, I totally mean rubber chickens, whoopee cushions and one of those Groucho Marx plastic-nose-on-the-glasses things.

With apologies to former Wichita State wide receiver Mike Proppe, former Drake tight end Hal Proppe, USC DB Prophet Brown and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 8 Bottom 10 rankings.

The Minuetmen continued their Backtion in #MACtion schedule, playing a former fellow Bottom 10 anchor, the Buffalo Bulls Not Bills. With 59 seconds remaining, the Amherst Amblers hauled in an interception that seemed to ice a 21-20 win. As the ESPN Analytics Ouija board said they had a 90.9% chance of victory, UMass players proceeded to demonstratively wave goodbye and do faux snow angels in celebration, drawing an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. After a three-and-out followed by a punt, the Minuetmen surrendered a four-play, 50-yard, 22-second TD drive to lose in the closing seconds, their lead turning out to be as real as that snow.

The bad news? The Bearkats lost the Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year Episode II: Attack of the Groans to UTEPid 35-17. The good news? If they don’t tell anyone it happened, no one is likely to ever know, because the crowd they played in front of was so small it would have saved time in the pregame to have had the PA announcer introduce the people in the stands to the starting lineups instead of the starting lineups to the people in the stands.

Official attendance for Sam Houston vs. UTEP : 671

Smallest crowd in SHSU history https://t.co/rnNmBetqfQ

— UTEPnews (@theUTEPnews) October 16, 2025

What a stretch for the Beavs. They finally won a game, beating the Lafayette Leopards, current leaders of the Patriot League. After a week versus the Fightin’ Bye of Open Date U, they will play the first of their in-season home-and-home double feature against Washington State, with whom they are currently tied for first in the 2Pac. Then they host Sam Houston State in the Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year Episode IV: A New Dope.

The Minors won their second game of the season, but their boat remains mired in the Bottom 4 because Pillow Fight victories over other teams in the Bottom 4 come with trophies made of lead. Plus, that pickax of theirs is always accidentally punching holes in the boat.

Ah, the rites of autumn. You can set your clock to their inevitability. The cool dip of the evening temperatures. The changing colors of the leaves. Suburban moms mainlining pumpkin spice. The Miami Hurricanes interrupting their latest “We’re back!” campaign with a midseason loss that lands them in the Coveted Fifth Spot. And the fans of those Canes not understanding what the Coveted Fifth Spot is despite the fact that they are here every year and thus raise Cane by filling my social media timelines with strings of cuss words stronger than Cuban coffee.

The Woof Pack keeps losing close games, the latest being their two-point defeat at the paws of New Mexico. But you know what they say. Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. And atomic bomb tests, which happened about 300 miles east of Reno. Feels pretty close to us.

Much like we should all keep a safe distance between ourselves and atomic bomb testing, the Blew Raiders have a built-in buffer between Murfreesboro and the Bottom 5 in the form of Novada, whom they edged by the closest of margins, 14-13 way back in Week 3. But their Nov. 22 visit from Sam Houston does have the makings of a possible boundary-smashing Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year Episode VII: The Farce Awakens.

Meanwhile, the Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year Y’all Edition was won by Georgia Southern Not State over Georgia State Not Southern. I made a joke last week that the loser would have to change their name from GSU to GUS but was angrily informed that this game already has a GUS in the form of the Georgia Southern Eagles mascot named, yes, Gus. The nastiest letter I received wasn’t signed, but it was covered in white feathers.

Our second-favorite red, white and blue team named USA returns to these rankings just in time for its matchup with Georgia State Not Southern, a meeting of the last-place teams in each division of the Fun Belt, aka the Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year Episode V: The Empire Looks Wack.

In my mind I can see this one resident of Massachusetts who had his heart broken by the Red Sox to start the MLB postseason … so he decided to go to the UConn-Boston College game to clear his head, only to watch the Eagles get run over by the Artist Formerly Known As U-Can’t … but then had the thought, “Hey, I can make it out to Amherst for the second half!” and started waving bye with 0:59 remaining when he thought UMass was going to win and watched the Minuetmen blow it … so, when he finally got home to Southie, and after his dog bit him, he made himself feel better by opening a six-pack of Sam Adams and going on the new ESPN App to watch the replay of Bill Belichick’s Tar Holes losing to Cal by fumbling the ball at the goal line late in the fourth quarter.

Waiting list: Northern Ill-ugh-noise, State of Kent, EMU Emus, Oklahoma State No Pokes, Charlotte 1-and-6ers, Wisconsin Bad-gers, Akronmonious, UNC Chapel Bill, the USC-Notre Dame series ending.

RAWALPINDI: Pakistan’s left-arm spinner Asif Afridi got his name registered into cricket history on Wednesday, becoming the oldest player ever to take a five-wicket haul on Test debut, achieving the feat at 38 years and 299 days during the second Test against South Africa in Rawalpindi.

Afridi broke a 92-year-old record held by England’s Charles Marriott, who took five wickets on debut at 37 years and 332 days against the West Indies at The Oval in 1933.

Only four players aged over 35 have claimed a five-wicket haul on debut in Test history. Apart from Afridi and Marriott, the two others on the list are Hines Johnson of the West Indies, who did so against England in 1948, and D.W. Carr of England, who achieved the milestone against Australia in 1909.

Afridi is the only player to achieve the feat after turning 38, while the other three did it after crossing 37. Among Pakistani bowlers, Noman Ali had previously taken five wickets on debut at the age of 34 against South Africa in 2021. Bilal Asif achieved the feat at the age of 33.

Pakistan ended day three of the second Test at 94/4 in 35 overs, holding a lead of 23 runs.

The hosts will resume their batting on day four with Babar Azam on 49 off 83 balls and Mohammad Rizwan on 16 off 49.

Earlier, South Africa’s lower order fought back strongly, with Senuran Muthusamy, Keshav Maharaj, and Kagiso Rabada leading a spirited recovery.

At one stage, the visitors were 235-8, but the trio helped South Africa reach 404, taking the first-innings lead of 71 runs.

Braden Smith played with Zach Edey in the 2024 national championship game and followed his large footsteps by becoming an All-American last season.

The Purdue guard had a chance to leave for the NBA over the summer, but, like Edey before him, decided to return for another chance at a national championship under coach Matt Painter.

Smith’s decision earned him another similarity to Edey: unanimous preseason All-American.

Smith earned all 57 votes from a media panel in The Associated Press preseason All-America team released on Monday, a week after the Boilermakers were voted preseason No. 1 in the AP Top 25 for the first time. He was joined on a big-man-heavy first team by Texas Tech‘s JT Toppin (52 votes), Michigan‘s Yaxel Lendeborg (30), BYU freshman AJ Dybantsa (22) and Florida forward Alex Condon (16).

“That’s just how Purdue has always been, how every player has always been,” Smith said. “Paint recruits players, recruits the same people, and that’s how they think, how we think. We always want to be a part of a program like this, a culture like this.”

Smith has been one of the nation’s most productive guards since his freshman season at Purdue in 2022-23. The heady 6-foot guard played a key role on the Boilermakers’ first run to the national title game in 2024, averaging 12 points, 7.5 assists, 5.8 rebounds and 1.6 steals per game while setting a school record for minutes.

Smith was even better as a junior last season, becoming the first player in NCAA history to have at least 550 points, 300 assists, 150 rebounds and 75 steals in a season. Smith averaged 15.8 points, 8.7 assists, 4.5 rebounds and 2.2 steals per game on a team that reached the Sweet 16.

Toppin’s impact

Toppin had a superb first season at Texas Tech after transferring from New Mexico.

The 6-foot-9 forward averaged 18.2 points, 9.4 rebounds, 1.5 blocks while leading the Red Raiders to the Elite Eight, where they lost to eventual national champion Florida. Toppin was a second-team AP All-American and the Big 12 Player of the Year before opting to return to a team ranked No. 10 in the AP preseason poll.

Landing Lendeborg

Lendeborg had a successful stint at UAB, helping lead the Blazers to the 2024 NCAA tournament. After testing the NBA waters, the 6-9 forward decided he wanted a chance to reach the Final Four, so he stayed in college and transferred to Michigan.

The addition of Lendeborg helped the Wolverines earn a No. 7 ranking in the preseason poll after reaching the Sweet 16 a year ago.

Last season, Lendeborg joined Indiana State‘s Larry Bird as the only players to have 600 points, 400 rebounds and 150 assists in a season. He averaged 15.8 points and 11 rebounds per game in two seasons at UAB, earning American Conference Defensive Player of the Year honors both years.

AJ arrives

BYU took a big step in its first season under coach Kevin Young last season by reaching the Sweet 16.

The No. 8 Cougars have even higher expectations this season after landing Dybantsa.

The nation’s No. 1 recruit had nearly every major program jockeying for his services but chose to play in Provo. The athletic 6-9 forward is an efficient scorer who finishes strong at the rim, has a good midrange game and is a superb defender — attributes that have him projected as a potential No. 1 NBA draft pick.

Condon returns

Condon announced he was heading to the NBA draft after Florida’s national championship last season before changing his mind.

The 6-11 Australian averaged 10.6 points and 7.5 rebounds per game while leading Gators with 49 blocked shots. Condon was superb in the national title game against Houston, finishing with 12 points, 7 rebounds and 4 steals, diving for a loose ball in the closing seconds of the 65-63 win.

Condon returned for a chance to lead the Gators to consecutive national titles and helped them earn a No. 3 ranking in the AP preseason poll.