Sports
The U is back … in the Bottom 10
Inspirational thought of the week:
(Cole Trickle drives his mangled Chevy Lumina into the pit stall)
Buck Bretherton: “Well, how about that? Something we don’t have to fix!”
(Crew chief Harry Hogge walks over and kicks a dent into the side of the car Bretherton is looking at)
Harry Hogge: “I don’t want you to get spoiled, Buck.”
— “Days of Thunder”
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located behind the footlocker on the “College GameDay” bus where Nick Saban keeps his secret stash of “Anchor Down” Vanderbilt football apparel, we are beginning to worry that perhaps those of you who visit these rankings, as the kids say, “on the regular” might be like those who benefited from Saban’s time in Tuscaloosa. You’re getting a little spoiled.
Just two weeks ago, we had an all-time majestically meh Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year Mega Bowl matchup between UMess and State of Kent, winners of a lot of the most recent Bottom 10 titles. (We tried to look up exactly how many, but someone spilled Yoo-hoo on the archival floppy disk.) Then, this past week, we had the Sam Houston Bearkats kutting it up with UTEPid. Now the stage is set for a third consecutive PFOWY, as Georgia State Not Southern hosts the South Alabama Redundancies. And, as you will read in the words ahead, this is just the tip of a season-sinking iceberg of not-big games coming, as the spotter on the Titanic shouted way too late, “Right ahead!”
So, for all the talk about Power Autonomous Haughty Four conference realignment, in-conference scheduling, CFP committee résumé reading and the headliner showdowns that all of the above seem to bring with them, how about some props for the same happening down here with us? And by props, I totally mean rubber chickens, whoopee cushions and one of those Groucho Marx plastic-nose-on-the-glasses things.
With apologies to former Wichita State wide receiver Mike Proppe, former Drake tight end Hal Proppe, USC DB Prophet Brown and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 8 Bottom 10 rankings.
The Minuetmen continued their Backtion in #MACtion schedule, playing a former fellow Bottom 10 anchor, the Buffalo Bulls Not Bills. With 59 seconds remaining, the Amherst Amblers hauled in an interception that seemed to ice a 21-20 win. As the ESPN Analytics Ouija board said they had a 90.9% chance of victory, UMass players proceeded to demonstratively wave goodbye and do faux snow angels in celebration, drawing an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. After a three-and-out followed by a punt, the Minuetmen surrendered a four-play, 50-yard, 22-second TD drive to lose in the closing seconds, their lead turning out to be as real as that snow.
The bad news? The Bearkats lost the Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year Episode II: Attack of the Groans to UTEPid 35-17. The good news? If they don’t tell anyone it happened, no one is likely to ever know, because the crowd they played in front of was so small it would have saved time in the pregame to have had the PA announcer introduce the people in the stands to the starting lineups instead of the starting lineups to the people in the stands.
Official attendance for Sam Houston vs. UTEP : 671
Smallest crowd in SHSU history https://t.co/rnNmBetqfQ
— UTEPnews (@theUTEPnews) October 16, 2025
What a stretch for the Beavs. They finally won a game, beating the Lafayette Leopards, current leaders of the Patriot League. After a week versus the Fightin’ Bye of Open Date U, they will play the first of their in-season home-and-home double feature against Washington State, with whom they are currently tied for first in the 2Pac. Then they host Sam Houston State in the Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year Episode IV: A New Dope.
The Minors won their second game of the season, but their boat remains mired in the Bottom 4 because Pillow Fight victories over other teams in the Bottom 4 come with trophies made of lead. Plus, that pickax of theirs is always accidentally punching holes in the boat.
Ah, the rites of autumn. You can set your clock to their inevitability. The cool dip of the evening temperatures. The changing colors of the leaves. Suburban moms mainlining pumpkin spice. The Miami Hurricanes interrupting their latest “We’re back!” campaign with a midseason loss that lands them in the Coveted Fifth Spot. And the fans of those Canes not understanding what the Coveted Fifth Spot is despite the fact that they are here every year and thus raise Cane by filling my social media timelines with strings of cuss words stronger than Cuban coffee.
The Woof Pack keeps losing close games, the latest being their two-point defeat at the paws of New Mexico. But you know what they say. Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. And atomic bomb tests, which happened about 300 miles east of Reno. Feels pretty close to us.
Much like we should all keep a safe distance between ourselves and atomic bomb testing, the Blew Raiders have a built-in buffer between Murfreesboro and the Bottom 5 in the form of Novada, whom they edged by the closest of margins, 14-13 way back in Week 3. But their Nov. 22 visit from Sam Houston does have the makings of a possible boundary-smashing Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year Episode VII: The Farce Awakens.
Meanwhile, the Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year Y’all Edition was won by Georgia Southern Not State over Georgia State Not Southern. I made a joke last week that the loser would have to change their name from GSU to GUS but was angrily informed that this game already has a GUS in the form of the Georgia Southern Eagles mascot named, yes, Gus. The nastiest letter I received wasn’t signed, but it was covered in white feathers.
Our second-favorite red, white and blue team named USA returns to these rankings just in time for its matchup with Georgia State Not Southern, a meeting of the last-place teams in each division of the Fun Belt, aka the Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year Episode V: The Empire Looks Wack.
In my mind I can see this one resident of Massachusetts who had his heart broken by the Red Sox to start the MLB postseason … so he decided to go to the UConn-Boston College game to clear his head, only to watch the Eagles get run over by the Artist Formerly Known As U-Can’t … but then had the thought, “Hey, I can make it out to Amherst for the second half!” and started waving bye with 0:59 remaining when he thought UMass was going to win and watched the Minuetmen blow it … so, when he finally got home to Southie, and after his dog bit him, he made himself feel better by opening a six-pack of Sam Adams and going on the new ESPN App to watch the replay of Bill Belichick’s Tar Holes losing to Cal by fumbling the ball at the goal line late in the fourth quarter.
Waiting list: Northern Ill-ugh-noise, State of Kent, EMU Emus, Oklahoma State No Pokes, Charlotte 1-and-6ers, Wisconsin Bad-gers, Akronmonious, UNC Chapel Bill, the USC-Notre Dame series ending.
ANTALYA, Turkey — Players held small backpacks as Iran‘s national soccer team used a match against Nigeria on Friday to honor the victims of a deadly missile strike on an elementary school.
More than 165 people were killed, most of them children, when a Feb. 28 strike, likely launched by the U.S., hit the school in southern Iran.
– Iran bans sports teams’ travel to ‘hostile’ nations
Neither the United States nor Israel has accepted responsibility for the attack, which has come under staunch criticism from the United Nations and human rights groups. The U.S. military is investigating and has said it would never target civilians.
During the national anthem Friday, the Iranian team honored the memory of the slain children by placing small pink and purple school backpacks in front of them.
Video of the ceremony also showed the players wearing black armbands in remembrance of those killed since the war began.
The match was played in Antalya, southern Turkey.
Nigeria won 2-1 in a game that was a World Cup tuneup for Iran, ahead of the tournament being co-hosted by the United States, Mexico and Canada.
The Islamic Republic’s team is scheduled to play three group-stage matches in June in the U.S. The Iranian ambassador in Mexico City has said the country asked FIFA to move those three games to Mexico after U.S. President Donald Trump discouraged the team from attending, citing safety concerns.
Iranian government and soccer officials have said they do not want to boycott the World Cup but that it is not possible for the national team to go to the U.S. because of military attacks on Iran by Israel and U.S.
FIFA president Gianni Infantino has dampened Iran’s attempts to move its matches, saying global soccer’s governing body wants the tournament “to go ahead as scheduled.”
Separately on Friday, Iran’s judiciary threatened to seize the property of soccer player Sardar Azmoun, two semiofficial news agencies said. The announcement follows threats from Iran’s hard-liner judicial chief that authorities planned to seize the assets of celebrities viewed as critical of the government.
Tiger Woods showed signs of impairment and was arrested Friday at the scene of a car crash in which he struck another vehicle and rolled his Land Rover, authorities said.
Martin County Sheriff John Budensiek said Woods and the person in the other vehicle were not injured. Woods was able to crawl out of the passenger side of his Land Rover.
The crash occurred just after 2 p.m. not far from where Woods lives on Jupiter Island. Budensiek said Woods attempted to pass a pressure cleaner truck while driving on a two-land road. He swerved to avoid a collision as he was passing the truck, but clipped the back end of the truck’s trailer. Woods’ vehicle then rolled onto its driver’s side.
Budensiek said investigators at the scene found Woods to be showing signs of impairment. He did a breathalyzer test, which came out negative, but he refused to take a urine test. Authorities charged him with driving under the influence with property damage and refusal to submit to a lawful test, Budensiek said. Both charges are misdemeanors.
Woods’ manager at Excel Sports did not immediately respond to a text message seeking information.
Woods, 50, had spent the past several months recovering from a ruptured Achilles tendon and another back surgery in October. The 15-time major champion competed for the first time in more than a year during Tuesday’s TGL finals, where his Jupiter Links GC team lost to the Los Angeles Golf Club.
He had been weighing whether to return to the PGA Tour at the Masters at Augusta National Golf Club, the first major of the season, which begins April 9.
Woods last competed on the PGA Tour in July 2024 when he missed the cut at the Open Championship at Royal Troon Golf Club in Scotland. He last played four rounds in a PGA Tour event at the 2024 Masters.
In February 2021, Woods suffered significant leg injuries in a one-car crash outside of Los Angeles, in which his SUV rolled several times and left him trapped in the car. He later had surgery to deal with “open fractures” to his lower right leg, had a rod placed in a tibia and had screws and pins inserted in his foot and ankle during emergency surgery. Woods was hospitalized for three weeks following the surgery.
At the 2021 Hero World Challenge in the Bahamas, Woods said, “I’m lucky to be alive and also have a limb.” He said it was 50-50 as to whether part of his right leg could have been amputated.
He had at least one more surgery related to injuries from the crash in April 2023.
ESPN’s Mark Schlabach and The Associated Press contributed to this report.
Morocco got FIFA permission to select Fulham defender Issa Diop and Ajax midfielder Rayane Bounida among seven players recruited this month by the 2022 World Cup semifinalist ahead of the next edition in North America, and 16 in total since last March.
The 29-year-old Diop was a France youth and under-21 international and Bounida is among six players aged 20 or under changing eligibility this month to represent Morocco after playing youth games for Belgium or the Netherlands.
All have direct family ties to Morocco that allow them within FIFA rules to change national eligibility, typically when players have not played a senior competitive game for the first country they represented.
Diop and Bounida are in new coach Mohamed Ouahbi’s squad for World Cup warmup games against Ecuador on Friday in Madrid, and Paraguay on Tuesday in Lens, France.
At the 2026 World Cup Morocco is in a group with Brazil, Scotland and Haiti playing games, respectively, near New York, Boston and in Atlanta.
Morocco gets direct entry to the 2030 tournament as a co-host with Spain and Portugal, plus single games to be played in Argentina, Paraguay and Uruguay.
The Morocco federation, under the leadership of Fouzi Lekjaa, an increasingly influential figure in soccer politics, has actively recruited players from a diaspora in Europe.
The squad which made World Cup history in Qatar as the first semifinalist from Africa included stars such as Hakim Ziyech and Sofyan Amrabat who had been Netherlands youth internationals.
The eligibility changes FIFA approved in March include Bounida and Genk midfielder Saif Eddien Lazar who had represented Belgium.
Players switching to Morocco from the Netherlands were Benjamin Khaderi and Sami Bouhoudane, both aged 18 from PSV Eindhoven, 20-year-old Utrecht defender Oualid Agougil and 18-year-old Ayoud Ouarghi from Feyenoord.
FIFA also approved nine more players changing eligibility from March to December last year, from France, Belgium, the Netherlands and Norway.
Iran’s soccer team honors victims of elementary school airstrike
Tiger Woods arrested at crash scene on suspicion of DUI, sheriff says
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