We’ve all looked at our bank account and wondered why we don’t have as much money as we thought we did, and suddenly, the bills, shopping and socialising begin to add up.

For many of us, our relationship with money is strained and dealing with financial matters leaves us feeling overwhelmed or stressed.

If you’re struggling to get on top of your finances, here are four ways to help you manage your money better.

Sitting down and thinking about what actually drives you to spend money can help you stop destructive patterns, says journalist and author Anniki Sommerville.

When she previously worked in a very stressful corporate role, she bought new clothes everytime she achieved something difficult or challenging.

“I felt like I deserved to reward myself.

“I had this pattern of spending, which was like ‘you’ve done a really good presentation, now you deserve to buy yourself something.'”

Abigail Foster, a chartered accountant and author, says the easiest way to discover these kinds of habits is looking through your bank statements, to see when you spend the most.

“Is it late at night? Is it the weekends? I have friends that have really bad habits of when they’re bored on the train, they start buying things.”

Understanding these instincts, enables us to put in steps to prevent them.

“You can be better equipped to make an alternative decision and go, ‘Do you know what? I can just take a deep breath and not purchase something.'”

Anniki says when she was younger, she often felt scared to check her bank balance and avoided dealing with money as much as possible.

This kind of behaviour is often linked to our education, says Claer Barrett, consumer editor at the Financial Times.

“How we felt about maths in school, maybe that burning feeling of shame of not knowing the answer or putting your hand up to answer a question and getting it wrong, that can often make us feel like, I can’t do maths. So therefore, I can’t do money.”

“We should be really pushing on that door and trying to understand more about our financial situation.”

Abigail says the only way to do this is to force yourself to tackle it head on, setting aside a set amount of time each week to look at your bank account and all your outgoings.

“It’s a minimum of an hour a week.

“Just go through your finances and kind of be hit with it. It sounds a lot, but it can be really calming for your nervous system.”

Doing this will often throw up outgoings that you’ve forgotten, such as a subscription for a gym you haven’t been to in six months or a random app you’ve forgotten you’ve subscribed to, she says.

Often the terms associated with money can be offputting.

Claer says don’t let words like investing, scare you, instead take time to learn about them.

“Whether we’re talking about stocks and shares, or investing in a pension. We need to give ourselves every advantage financially,” she says.

“So being shy or feeling shameful, not asking these interrogating questions is the worst thing we can do.”

She suggests making a list of things you are unsure about, whether that’s consolidating pensions or asking for a pay rise at work, and slowly working through them.

Don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re just starting.

“We’re all a work in progress. I’ve got my financial to do list at the back of my diary. There are some things that have been on it for more than a year.

“That’s just life, but as long as I can try and do something every week towards making my financial situation a better place, that’s moving forward.”

Many of us are already too stretched keeping up with the costs of everday living to even think about saving.

But for those who can afford to, Abigail suggests setting up a “freedom fund” to give you options when life gets difficult.

She recommends setting up an easy access account only in your name and not joint, and to put a portion of your income away every month.

Unlike an emergency fund pot for things like unexpected car and house repairs, a freedom fund is money designed to “make you happier.”

“So when a job no longer serves you, you can think ‘I’ve got some money sat away so I can go and look for something else.’

“Or if you want to leave a partner, that freedom fund can give you the ability to walk out.”