Dear Haya,

I’m a socially awkward introvert seeking advice on how to manage social gatherings. I often tend to feel anxious or drained in group settings, even around people I’m familiar with. I struggle to balance the need for some alone time with the desire to maintain a social life and friendships.

Although people around me seem nice on the surface about my hesitance to participate in social events, they do sometimes see me with a judgemental lens, given my awkwardness when I’m with them.

Could you suggest some practical ways for me to handle such interactions in a comfortable manner while keeping myself stress-free?

— A socially-awkward introvert

Dear socially-awkward introvert,

Before we dive deep into your query, I’d like to point out here that there is nothing wrong with you. Awareness is a great place to start at and I can see that you are aware of your personality type. Being an introvert doesn’t mean you are failing at life, it means that your energy works differently, and that’s okay. What matters is how we work around what we have already in a way that works best for our well-being and honours your need for connection and your need for space.

Let’s explore some practical ways to handle such interactions to help you mentally prepare before an upcoming event.

Choose ‘small doses’ instead of all or nothing

You don’t need to attend every gathering or stay for hours. Showing up for even 30 to 45 minutes can help you maintain friendships without overwhelming yourself.

Have an exit plan ready you feel comfortable with

Knowing how you will leave a place makes everything easier, for example, until the time you’re tired, or having your car with you. This reduces anxiety because you are not trapped.

Anchor yourself with one person

Instead of carrying the expectation that you need to navigate an entire group, pick one person with whom you feel safest. Standing by them or sitting with them gives you a base to return to throughout the event.

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Prepare conversation starters

Have some conversation topics in mind that you can fall back on. For example, how was your week? What are you working on these days? Any interesting shows you’re watching? When you feel frozen, these help you engage without pressure. Remember, curiosity always wins.

Protect your energy before and after

Being self-aware about yourself is a superpower. You know what works and what doesn’t. Try to do something grounding beforehand to keep your nervous system calm. Post meet-up, schedule some quiet time to recharge. It will aid you in regaining your energy.

Remember, most people are focused on themselves. We may feel like people are judging us because we are so hyper-aware of ourselves, but we think that more than that is true. Most people are caught up in their own insecurities.

Introversion is not a flaw

Your introversion is not a flaw. The most important thing is that we accept ourselves for who we are and create a life around that, which works best in boosting our well-being.

Start out with these steps, but keep in mind that you will experience some discomfort as you practice them. That’s natural. Any time we move outside our comfort zones, our nervous system reacts. The aim isn’t to avoid discomfort entirely, but to stay within a level that feels manageable.

Growth requires exactly that — a willingness to challenge yourself. If you don’t push beyond what feels familiar, you remain stuck in patterns that keep you isolated. And while solitude can be soothing, all human beings have a basic need for love, connection and belonging. Ignoring that need for too long can lead to loneliness and unmet emotional needs.

So take small steps, honour your limits but also honour your need for connection. The goal for you is to build a life where you would feel socially capable and emotionally fulfilled, not cut off from others out of fear. And remember, progress over perfection always.

Good luck!

— Haya

Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.

Send her your questions by filling this form or email to [email protected]

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